Deep Thoughts

Today I read a sad but sweet account from my sister-in-law about their disastrous pumpkin carving evening. Several comments lauded her writing about something negative rather than the positive things we all tend to write about in our blogs. One mentioned that we present a false reality here, remembering things more positively as we see the cute pictures, etc. That really got me pondering. (Ater all, the title of my blog smugly suggests that we are happy as can be.) So here's my stream-of-consciousness rambling:

*Even bad times can make great memories, making them not actually so bad. I'm not talking about really bad times, of course, and the outcome would have to be positive for the experience to ever seem positive. But the run-of-the-mill bad days I have with my kids can seem funny when I tell my sister on the phone. Maybe even sweet experiences within the really tough stuff can seem positive. For example, back when I found out my mom had cancer, I would sing songs she used to sing to me (Hi-Lilli Hi-Lo and Mona Lisa) to baby Eli as I rocked him to sleep and cried. That's actually a sweet memory to me. (But again, only because Mom's OK - I know.)

*Even when things are really bad, dwelling on them, even in the name of being honest, doesn't seem particularly helpful or healthy. I often hear or read of women in the church complaining that we don't talk about the bad stuff and sugar-coat things. But I don't really feel that way. But, admittedly, my life is easy, and a day may come that I'll want to get some grittier things out there. Stay posted.

*Here's my theory, based on trips to Disneyland/DisneyWorld: The reality of an experience is not just comprised of the actual event. The anticipation and the memories, whether good or bad, may be just as important as the experience itself. Therefore, applying this to the blogs, my reality is, in fact, what is presented here. Things seem this good as I post the pictures, and so they are. I mentioned earlier that when we went to the Iron County fair with in-laws, my kids screamed, were way too hot, only went on one ride, and didn't even end up getting anything to eat. However, as we got into the van, Eli said, "That was a good time at the fair!" And I suppose it was, all things considered. (If I'd taken some pictures there, it would have been an even better time. :)

In any case, my sister-in-law is so funny and positive herself, that she is incapable of writing anything that sounds even slightly negative.

Here's an article that my mom sent a while back that fits with what I've been saying. Needless to say, I loved it:


"Research has demonstrated that the most realistic people are most miserable and depressed. It is common to assume that miserable people distort things negatively; research suggests that many of them see things very accurately.
A solid body of research has demonstrated that the healthiest people are those who have positive illusions. Mentally healthy people tend to have three specific kinds of illusions (Taylor & Brown, 1999):
1. They have an unrealistically positive view of themselves.
2. They believe they have more control in their lives than they actually do.
3. They are unrealistically optimistic.
In each of these areas, depressed people tend to be more realistic than healthy people are. Healthy people actively maintain their illusions by filtering or discounting information that challenges their unrealistic view of matters. Some students of social psychology have observed that healthy people operate less like scientists who are seeking accurate information than like charlatans who distort the data to fit their theories (See Taylor and Brown, 1999). Apparently Pollyanna's glad game makes good psychological sense."


One of my brothers once got annoyed with my need to always see things positively, so feel free to be annoyed as well. Just don't tell me, because that would be a downer.